My First Pregnancy Journey
Where should I even start?! Every pregnancy experience is different and unique, and here’s my personal journey. Pregnancy is an exciting and beautiful adventure. As I’m writing this, I just finished my 1 month postpartum confinement period (1 month confinements are pretty common in some cultures, and I will talk about my experience in a future post). As for my pregnancy journey, I have been embracing the whole process, and I really enjoyed being pregnant.
The very first incident of doubts began when I smelled salmon, I literally gagged. I asked my hubby – Did this salmon go bad already? We just made it yesterday. He replied that it smelled fine. Prior to this, I had started feeling really fatigued all the time, hungry, and craving pizza non-stop, and not to mention – I did miss my period. Originally, I thought that being overworked and trying to train for a half marathon caused it. However, after the salmon incident, Kai (hubby) went to buy a pregnancy tester. He bought a multi-pack, and when I tried 2 of them, each showed 2 lines!
I remember finding out I was pregnant while sitting on the toilet seat and just staring at those 2 lines. Surprisingly, I was smiling and feeling quite calm the whole time. It was more like – “Oh, ok. Hm. 2 lines.” I called Kai over and I showed it to him with a big smile. He came over with a kiss and said “I love you.” I called the hospital to get a lab test shortly after this, and went in the following day with Kai. Results came out the next day, and it said POSITIVE. After I got a positive result back from the hospital’s urine test, I felt excited but also in denial for maybe the first week… and maybe some more later. Honestly, I was in disbelief. How did this happen?! I mean of course we all know how this happened, but seriously HOW did this happen?! I was working a lot those 2 months, and training pretty hard, so how did my body manage to sustain a living being in me?! Human bodies are amazing, and maybe the universe was telling Kai and I that we were ready to have a kid.
I met up with Kai after work that day, and on our way back home I couldn’t contain myself. I took out his notepad and drew a picture for him. (shown below) Of course he was super happy, and we were smiling in silence as we rode the bus home. It felt very peaceful. It was a beautiful moment among the bustling sounds of the bus and people going by. We held hands the whole way back as we soaked in the confirmation of this wonderful news.
First ultrasound – baby is a little over 2 months here, with just a flickering heartbeat. Kai and I stared at it in awe. I guess this just made everything more real in my head – seeing the little tiny bubble on the screen that would soon be out into this world. It definitely confirmed that YES, indeed I am pregnant. Seeing the little sparkle of heartbeat on the screen was an indescribable feeling, because honestly, I really wasn’t sure how to describe how I was feeling at the time. I was joyful, excited, and probably a little overwhelmed (in a good way).
I think the realistic aspect of becoming parents and what that entails really sunk in a few months later. I had episodes where I would freak out because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do it, or what life would be with a kid. I mean we technically have had our dog baby for about 5 years now, but a human baby is another story. Kai continues to reassure me that everything will be just fine in the end, and I’m sure it will be. We had talked about having kids, and the timing actually worked out perfectly. We had returned from our wedding anniversary trip to Korea and Japan in March, and I had also finished a half marathon in Hawaii during April. Soon after, I conceived in May.
I was in Salt Lake City for a work trip at the end of May, before I had found out I was pregnant. And apparently, I conceived right before this trip- according to the dates. =P
I traveled to Kona in June, and remembered being extremely tired and not feeling well during this trip, but didn’t think much of it. I’m wearing this same black dress in my third trimester (pictures below), and there is a huge belly change. I realize I don’t have any actual pictures of my first trimester belly shot after I found out I was pregnant. I guess the pictures before I found out will suffice, and it explains why I looked so tired in them. My tummy didn’t look any different and I feel like it didn’t actually start showing until my second trimester. I only started feeling nauseous when July came around, and began to take naps on full blast.
The end of my first trimester was full of nausea, life on porridge/congee, pretzels, bread, and salt crackers. I had strong korean spicy ramen cravings, which toned down and stopped toward the end of the second trimester. I had to stop myself from having it too often. Some foods that I absolutely couldn’t handle were salmon and meat. My nose also became super sensitive.
19th weeks – Baby’s gender reveal is a….drum roll…a GIRL!
As the second trimester came along, I had more energy and started to eat more as well. I was hungry almost every 2 hours! I started to have INTENSE cravings for milk and protein! After the middle of the second trimester I started to eat almost everything with no worries of nausea or gagging, which was awesome! I continued to stay away from raw foods and caffeine, but have been guilty of indulging small amounts of chocolate. Salmon, which had been in the unfriendly zone suddenly became edible at 23 weeks. I love seafood and it was difficult to be away from it for so long. Some seafoods were alright with lower levels of mercury, but I was still being cautious. Telling myself that it would be worth it in the end is what kept me from driving myself craycray.
The second trimester was definitely the sweet time, since I had the most energy during that time. (As you can see, I baked a lot and posted some recipes here) I enjoyed it as much as I could with plenty of pampering from the hubby. =P There were some occasions when I did feel more sensitive and I experienced this around 17 weeks. These feelings consisted of – attachment to people, need for affection, sense of doubt, more stress and anxiety, sense of detachment from the world, and helpless feelings. It could have been the hormones, but these feeling occurred several times throughout my second and third trimester. My sleeping schedule was around a 3am sleep time and 1 pm wake up time, so the insomnia probably had some contribution to it. Some things that I found were helpful in coping with the emotional side were practicing meditation, trying to move around more, communicating with Kai and friends, focusing on the present moment, and getting body massages. At 18 weeks, I started seeing stretch marks on my boobs and I started to see a little belly. At 19 weeks, we found out the gender and also about my placenta previa. (This is where the placenta covers the cervix, and a c-section may be required. Placenta previas can cause bleeding during pregnancy, and it puts the mother and child at a higher risk of birth complications. Often times it moves later in the pregnancy, and I remained hopeful that mine would as well.) Due to this condition I had to restrict my travel, so I started to focus on writing more, and creating posts about travels and my other hobbies. At 20 weeks, I felt the first pulses on my belly! (I’m guessing those were baby’s kicks) Baby started kicking more in the following weeks, especially when I listened to music and went to sleep! And at 23 weeks, I officially started eating salmon again! Yay!
25 weeks pregnant
33 weeks here
The third trimester consisted of a lot of weight gain for me. Prior to pregnancy I was around 105 pounds, and at 33 weeks I was up to 133 pounds. In a single month I gained 13 pounds. I started to have back pain as my weight increased. Walking had transformed into waddles. Occasional leg cramps were common, and on three occasions caused unbearable pain. Luckily it was ONLY 3 times because they left me in tears and short of breath. I had to tell myself to keep breathing which seemed to help. Leg swelling and constant peeing increased, so I always had to make sure restrooms were an easy access when I went out. Other than these “minor things,” I continued to love and enjoy my pregnancy. It was quite fascinating seeing my body go through all these changes, and it just shows how amazing our bodies can be. I began to practice positivity, gratitude, and mindfulness daily. I started a prenatal class, which was tremendously helpful. Just focusing on all the good helped to relieve the stress and anxiety. I noticed that I felt more energized throughout the day, and slept better after the prenatal classes. Fixing my sleep schedule was still a challenge, since I continued to get hungry every 2 hours. The hormonal and emotional side of pregnancy was another battle of it’s own. Meditation and yoga has been helpful though. Elevating one’s mindset is so important in everything we do, and I’m gradually making my way toward being the best I can be – for baby, and of course for me.
Here are some free apps that I downloaded that assisted me throughout my third trimester and I still use them today- “Gratitude journal”, where I write a few thankful notes every night before going to bed; “Goal tracker”, which allows me to write and keep track of my goals such as going to sleep before midnight everyday; “Music for Meditation”, just peaceful music for meditating; “Deep meditation”, which has music and guided meditation.
33 weeks here and baby’s first christmas inside the belly =P
As it got closer to the date of birthing baby, I started to have more visits to the doctors. At 32 weeks I had another ultra sound which confirmed a central previa. (Placenta is completely covering the cervix, which means that the chance of having a vaginal birth is a lot slimmer. ) This news was quite disappointing as I wanted to experience a vaginal birth. I also looked into hypo-birthing, visualization, and more meditation to calm my mind. I was still realistic and practical about the importance of safety for baby and me. At about 34 weeks, I started to have stretch marks under my belly. They were pinkish red color. At 35 weeks, I started to get small itches around my belly. The top of belly started to get hard as well, and I thought it was her head, but it was actually her butt the whole time! Haha! My 36 week checkup confirmed that baby was in a good position. I also met with the doctor that would be performing my c-section at this time. I had 1 more ultrasound a few days before my scheduled c-section. The anticipation of the final result was quite stressful, as I was anxious but still hopeful and positive that there was still a chance I could give birth vaginally. I had tried my best to remain hopeful, but after the final ultrasound it was confirmed that I would be giving birth by c-section. I felt devastated. I couldn’t help but feel guilty and helpless. My mind was filled with “what if I had…then maybe I could give birth naturally” or “if only I had found out I was pregnant earlier…” I left the hospital in tears and disappointment once again. I think I started to accept it later (after some food…food makes everything better haha), as I realized there are no more “what if…” I had done the best I could to keep this baby safe in my tummy, and the final stretch is a safe delivery for baby and myself, whether through a c-section or a vaginal birth. The following day, I had another visit with my OB doctor. Kai and I came up with a Gentle C-Section plan to run by the doctor, and to ask her some final questions. We were in her office for about 2 hours until she answered all our questions. I couldn’t ask for a better OB doctor. She was extremely supportive and patient with us. Despite not being able to have a vaginal birth, having a full support system with all our worries and questions answered made the whole process so much more reassuring and allowed the situation to be easier to come to terms with.
The only belly shot picture I had on the Day of Surgery – tummy looks huge at 141 pounds here! My belly really blew up the last month. Haha! I gained about 35 pounds over the course of the pregnancy. That’s pretty cool!
I’ve been learning about acceptance, patience, and relaxing throughout this pregnancy. I can’t say it’s easy, but it’s definitely a milestone to overcome. I feel really grateful and blessed to be able to experience pregnancy and now motherhood. I feel so blessed to have so much support from Kai, family, and friends. Thinking that I grew a human being inside of me is an awesome feeling. (Oh, and then bringing her to this world, is even more awesome.) I’ll end it here by saying all of this still feels so surreal.
Anyway, this was a super long update! Hope this was enjoyable to read and helpful…or relatable in any way!
